there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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