WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
