Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
