i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
