Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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