I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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