obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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