I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
