what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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