No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
being pregnant is like rehab
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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