this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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