peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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