Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
