from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
