Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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