girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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