im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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