How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
