if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We have so much sex to catch up on
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
