We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She bit a glass in half.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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