She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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