I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
