As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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