you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
