she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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