i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
