You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
