I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
