I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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