I'm going to jail i love you
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
