the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
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