had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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