So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
