I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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