I'm jealous of your bromance
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
