He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
