Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
