He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
