I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
