apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
well you can't waste a boner
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
