she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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