Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
