Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
