took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
