i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
