He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
