I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
