I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
