I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
