I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
