nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
