Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
