This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
