The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
